Am I Being Abused?

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of race, income, education, gender, sexual orientation, age or religion. If you’re worried that you or a loved one might be involved in an abusive relationship, the resources below can help you.

If you have questions about any of the information found here, or if you want to talk with someone about what you’re experiencing, remember that the DAIS Help Line is here to help you. You can talk with a trained advocate 24 hours a day by calling 608-251-4445.

Visit the following sections to learn more:

You'll also find valuable information on the Violence Unsilenced blog, a place where domestic violence survivors share their own experiences.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Contrary to popular myth, domestic violence does NOT need to be physical to be abuse. In truth, domestic violence occurs in many forms. Each is marked by a pattern of power and control.

Domestic violence can be:

Physical. This includes (but is not limited to) slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, physical restraint, aggravated assault, and forcing someone to take drugs.

Emotional. This includes (but is not limited to) extreme displays of jealousy and/or possession, intimidation, blaming you for their problems, degrading and/or disrespectful behavior and comments, withholding communication, social isolation (i.e. preventing you from seeing friends or family), and threats of physical or sexual violence.

Verbal. This includes (but is not limited to) name-calling; yelling; criticizing your appearance, actions and/or beliefs; humiliating you in public.

Sexual. This includes (but is not limited to) sexual activity following a physically abusive incident, threats of infidelity, coerced sex acts, and forcible intercourse.

Economic. This includes (but is not limited to) refusing to share control of family finances; destroying, giving away or selling your property without your consent; and using money as a tool to control your behavior or get what they want.

An Important Reminder

Any attempt to control the behavior and/or emotions of an intimate partner and diminish or prevent their free choice can constitute domestic abuse. Victims do not cause the abuse, and nothing a victim says or does can excuse the abuse. Abusers bear sole responsibility for their actions.

Source: Portions of this section have been repurposed from the Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Common Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

The following list can help you determine whether you or someone you care about is involved in an abusive relationship. Not all of these characteristics need to be present for a relationship to be abusive, and characteristics by themselves do not necessarily indicate abuse.

A relationship may be abusive if your partner…

Feels he/she has the right to dictate your behavior, privileges, or responses and opinions
Demonstrates ownership of you or extreme possessiveness; says things like “I can't live without you,” or “You are my whole world.”
Blames you for her/his problems or behavior
Isolates you - doesn't allow you to see your family or friends
Needs to constantly know your whereabouts; expects you to spend all of your free time with him/her
Humiliates you in public
Forces you to have sex or perform sexual acts
Insists on controlling all of the money, both your and his/hers
Refuses to let you go to work or, at the other extreme, forces you to work
Has no regard for your physical or mental health
Criticizes your appearance, weight, clothes, etc.
Pressures you to live together or get married before you are ready
Angers easily
Becomes angry when you have a different opinion than he/she does or don't take his/her advice
Shows jealousy toward your children, family, friends or job
Suggests reasons for you to fear ending the relationship
Dual personality (Jekyll and Hyde), i.e., charming in public, aggressive in private
Displays violent behavior toward other people
Disregards the law; feels he/she is above the law
Doesn't want you to know about his/her past
Blames all past relationship problems on the ex-partner
Has a record or history of domestic violence

What To Do

If you believe you are involved with a potential abuser, we can help you. Please call our 24-hour Help Line at 608-251-4445 or 1-800-747-4045 for support, information and referrals to other useful services.